To help or have someone else do it, my thoughts on helping others.

This is not meant to be a political post, merely observations about how people chose to help others.

I watch people. I had an excellent example of this in my father, which is probably why I took so many psychology classes in college and began a master’s degree in family counseling. Due to many reasons I didn’t finish, one of which is that I see some disturbing trends in counseling, but that is another story.

There is a great deal of discussion in the media about what it means to be kind. The argument is difficult because on one hand, an individual can sound hard-hearted and uncaring, but on the other hand, being too lenient is like leaving your front door wide open in the middle of the night. It’s not unlike being a parent or a teacher. You can’t always be their friend; you have to make hard decisions that make them mad or disappointed. But without those hard decisions, they are more vulnerable to dangers that they may not see, or they simply become coddled or spoiled. As with everything, there is a balance.

Through all my people-watching, parenting, and teaching, I’ve encountered a diverse range of individuals. Some want all kids to follow directions and toe the line, no excuses. I’ve wondered if part of their need for that order is simply that they need to order, they need to feel in control. Then there are teachers like I was who were more relaxed, I tried to reason and listen, but I still expected respect, my classroom wasn’t a jungle, but it wasn’t perfectly quiet, still, orderly rows of children. There were also teachers who couldn’t say no; they didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or squash individuality. Those were teachers, students enjoyed but struggled to learn much because children feel safe with boundaries, and the students also didn’t respect them even if they liked them.

As I attempt to figure out a pattern in how people handle these situations, I have noticed one thing. The truly empathic people will get their hands dirty to help others. Those that aren’t empathic like the idea of helping, but would rather delegate the help, they will praise when someone else helps, but don’t want to be up close to the icky.

With these thoughts in mind, I’m going to say something that some may not approve of. I believe that when Jesus told us to feed the poor, He wasn’t telling us to pay the government to do it, thereby delegating the responsibility. I believe he told us to get up close and personal with the needy. There are several reasons that I believe this. The first is Jesus' example. He didn’t ask Rome or the religious leaders to use the taxes to do this; he actually met the people and helped them, up close, dirty, smelly, messy people. The second is that by delegating the help, we are relieving ourselves of the necessity to give and go. Giving and going are not simply beneficial to the needy but to those who do the giving and going.

Like the Grinch, our heart grows as we help. It also helps us feel better about ourselves because we are focused outward towards others instead of inward toward self.

As I continue to people-watch, I have noticed what I believe is a pattern. People who are perhaps introverted and hold a utopian view of the world believe that the government can heal all ills. It makes them feel safe to think that some government will take care of the messy people.

Those who are more willing to be personal, helping someone up close, believe that the only way to truly help is to do so personally. By helping in person, it is more than a handout; it is a caring human making a connection that could make the difference in that person's life. The people who think this way generally see that governments are easily corruptible because power corrupts, so they don’t trust the government.

I surely hope my observations don't upset anyone. I know they are not 100% accurate. I'm only acknowledging a pattern I noticed.